My Experience with the Fisher Wallace Stimulator for Treating My Depression

You can buy the Fisher Wallace Stimulator here (after you get a prescription for it; you can get a script online if you’re ADD like me and can’t get your shit together enough to go to a doctor for one).

*Note: There’s a $200 off sale on June 30.  

Here’s a much cheaper source for sponges for the stimulator. You have to cut them down to size but I think that’s a small price to pay considering how much money you save (like $19 for 50 sponges instead of $48 for 48 sponges like it is on the FW website). 

(I get NOTHING for praising or recommending the Fisher Wallace Stimulator. I paid full price for my own stimulator and they don’t have any referral program or anything. It’s just worked well enough for me that I want to spread the news of it to others!) 

The Fisher Wallace Stimulator. My sponge holders are slightly blue because of my continued hair dye experiments.

The Fisher Wallace Stimulator. My sponge holders are slightly blue because of my continued hair dye experiments.

TL;DR VERDICT: The Fisher Wallace Stimulator has been the only depression treatment I’ve tied that has ever made me feel “cured” for an extended length of time. I do use this on top of two depression meds (bupropion and duloxetine) though, and it does take daily use to work (and don’t forget to change those sponges weekly! The effectiveness goes down if you don’t. I do have a much cheaper source for these sponges at the top of this page though). It also isn’t a miracle worker, so my depression does get a little worse if I’m like, sick, or feeling unusually stressed or lonely. But overall, my depression incidences have gone down from probably at least once a week to more like once every two months or so, and when those incidences happen, there’s usually a traceable and fixable reason. 

 

The whole story:  

I have clinical depression and have struggled with it at least once a week probably most of my adult life (that is a guess because I’ve never tracked the incidents that much, but that seems like a good ballpark range). Summer 2018 in particular was very difficult for me, which was distressing since I literally had just got married and bought a house. Everythinf on the surface was going really well for me, but I felt miserable an awful lot of the time. This was how I felt despite being on two different depression medication and doing lots of (near daily) walks outside in the sun!

After my legal fraternity’s convention in August, which I loved but struggled with intensely, I decided enough was enough and something needed to change. So I started researching different depression treatments. I looked seriously into biofeedback, but my insurance doesn’t cover it and the necessary sessions can run into several thousand dollars. I ended up buying the Fisher Wallace Stimulator for $700 instead, reasoning that it was cheaper than biofeedback (oh, yeah, my insurance didn’t cover this either) AND it had a 30-day return policy if it didn’t work for me.

So what is this thing? It’s a stimulator that basically makes your brain produce less cortisol (stress hormones) and more serotonin (happy hormones). I started using it twice a day for 20 minutes when I first received it on August 21, 2018. It took a couple days to kick in, but once I hit August 25, I felt....amazing. The misery, fatigue, inattention, and self hatred I constantly feel when in a depression fog had left me. Suddenly, I felt happy, focused, energetic, and stable.

I accomplished SO MUCH that weekend, and when I got back to work that Monday, I found that the benefits stuck with me. The euphoria did actually wear off after a few days (because no one can live like that all the time) but the device continued to really work for me.

The stimulator came with an adjustable white headband to hold the sponges to your head, but I use exercise headbands instead, as they give a much tighter and more comfortable fit that doesn’t catch on my hair like the FW one does.

The stimulator came with an adjustable white headband to hold the sponges to your head, but I use exercise headbands instead, as they give a much tighter and more comfortable fit that doesn’t catch on my hair like the FW one does.

Positive effects of getting my depression under control:  

Here’s what I wrote about my FW Stimulator Experience last September: 

- I feel happier at my job than I have...basically ever. I procrastinate less and find it significantly easier to focus and churn out work. I do sometimes still have focus issues (I do have ADD after all!) and occasionally get bored, but those issues are much more manageable using basic time management and work techniques, as opposed to previously, when I struggled with focus, boredom, and serious misery almost all day, every day. It’s amazing how much easier it is to do your job when your brain is working the way it should!

- Tasks at home are easier for me to accomplish too, and it’s easier for me to stick to good habits and health. I actually managed to break the weight loss plateau I’ve been on since January 2016! Because fun fact- it’s a lot easier to stick to a diet when you’re emotionally stable.

-I feel like I’ve gotten better at sticking to social commitments once I make them; in the past, I’ve backed out of plans with friends a lot due to just plain feeling miserable and fatigued for reasons I couldn’t explain. I haven’t done that since I started this treatment.

It’s not like I never feel sad or mad or frustrated, but it’s all manageable now;  these are all emotions that I’m experiencing within their healthy range. They’re not overwhelming me. I have, however, had to start really working to figure out exactly what I need to be happy when I’m not seriously depressed, because I’ve had depression for long that like, I really don’t know. I’ve discovered for example, that when I’m not hampered by depression, I want and need to be around friends more often to be happy! But these are fixable problems. :)

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop but so far, it seems like this treatment is actually sticking and working for me. I haven’t had a depression incident since the effects of the stimulator kicked in (i did come close, but it ends up that was just because i ignored the instructions about changing the sponges in the applicators every week. Once I changed it, it immediately started working as well for me again.). If I go 6 months without a recurrence of depression, I plan to talk to my doctors about weaning myself off depression meds altogether.

It was expensive, but honestly, this feels like the best money I’ve ever spent on anything ever and I honestly cannot friggin believe more people don’t know about it. I am in SUCH a better mental place than I was 30 days ago. And that’s why I wrote that novel of a status. 

 

Me writing about my experience in October:

1. I enjoy talking to pro se applicants over the phone SO much more than I previously did. I also really enjoyed the trademark picnic today and had an easy time talking to numerous people, when in the past, I've definitely struggled to start up conversations. It hasn't totally erased my focus issues, because I still have ADD, but it is generally much much easier for me to concentrate on conversations and while working.

2. I have managed to move forward with several long term goals in the past MONTH that I've been stalled on for a longggg time. I wrote a one act play I was happy with and submitted it to a new works festival! I can't remember the last time I actually finished a creative writing project I started (longer than a blog post anyway)! I broke through my weight loss plateau/rollercoaster and as of this morning have lost 31 pounds. I've started meditating every morning and working out every morning! These habits have been so hard for me to build and I am delighted they are happening.

I still totally suck at getting anywhere on time ever. ADD Tip: If you can get a job that doesn't care /when/ you work as long as you get your hours in, it is the best thing for someone with time blindness ever.

3. I have a few credit card issues I've been working on for a while (because law school taught me terrible financial habits, medical bills, etc.). These money issues used to /really/ stress me out and upset me, and John was scared to talk to me about them, but today we had a conversation about it and realized that actually, I haven't freaked out over money at all since the treatment kicked in. This is a delightful effect that is totally making my marriage better and John's life a little easier.

5. In general, dealing with problems is much much easier for me, and I'm more of a macgyver at finding creative solutions. This has come up several times lately, but the only example i can think of right now - John's welder is 300 pounds and can only sit in one open closet on the main floor in the entryway, as it would damage the floor anywhere else. You can't even close the door and it's just...not tidy or nice looking at all. I managed to hide it by hanging up a curtain and now our front entryway looks much better!

6. My extroversion is much more apparent now and I basically want to hang out with my friends alllll the time. My weekends are much more full of activities and I'm committing more time toward seeing friends during the week as well! Poor introvert John is slightly overwhelmed by this, but we're slowly finding a happy medium for the two of us.

 

 These days: 

Almost a year after trying it, I still use my happy zappy (as I affectionately call it) daily. I usually only need to use it once a day now, but if I’m having a tougher time than usual, I’ll use it twice daily. I am still on my depression meds (I tried removing one in the winter without actually talking to my doctor about it and it didn’t work so well). I firmly believe I wouldn’t be where I am as an author today without getting my depression under control. I won NaNoWriMo, finished that novel, and am revising it currently. I’ve written numerous short stories and essays and submitted them to literary publications; i’ve had three accepted. I published one of my short stories as an ebook and am turning that into a short story series, with a new volume released each month! I really don’t think any of that would be possible for me personally without the Fisher Wallace Stimulator. It has actually changed my life and made it significantly better. It’s not for everyone; it’s helped most of my friends I’ve recommended it to, but it just gave one of them headaches and nightmares. Given the high cost and the fact that insurance doesn’t cover it, I understand why people would be hesitant to buy it. Personally though, it’s one of the best decisions of my life. 

 

If you have any questions, please ask away! I’d be happy to talk to you more. :) 

#mentalhealth #depression #endthestigma

 

Wedding Craft Tutorial: How to DIY a Cardboard Cutout of Your Pet

So I got married last year and did a TON of craft projects for the wedding that I’ve never actually bothered to write about anywhere. Someone reached out to me today to ask about the cat cutouts at my wedding after seeing pictures of them on Offbeat Bride, so clearly there’s an audience for this sort of thing!

If you want to see our full wedding profile, it’s up on Offbeat Bride here!


This one’s pretty simple. Basically, I’m a crazy cat lady and I wanted to have cardboard cutouts of my cats Schrodinger and Ziggy Stardust at our wedding, but all the ones for sale online seemed to cost $30+ each! To save money, I ended up figuring out how to make my own.

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  1. I put my cats in their specially purchased sparkly pink wedding bowties and took as many pictures of them as I could for a few days to ensure I could get at least ONE decent full figure shot of both of them.

  2. I edited these photos and cut out a lot of the background to reduce the measurements of the sign I’d need (and also the cost!).

  3. I found the cheapest cardboard signs with a rigid core I could find online. I ended up sourcing these from GotPrint.com! I ordered two 9”x 24” rectangle signs with these images printed on them, with a kraft color core. There ended up being a lot of white space on the bottom of the signs, but I wasn’t worried, as I knew I could cut it out.

  4. Once the cardboard signs arrived, I used an exacto knife to cut out around the cats and make the final cutouts! Although to be exact(O!), I should note that my now husband John quickly decided he didn’t like how i was cutting the cardboard and took the exacto knife away from me and did it himself. Oh well. I tried.

And there you have it! Two DIY cardboard cutouts of my cats for about the cost of half of ones I found for purchase online! These were a huge hit at my wedding and it was a perfect touch!.

Rainbow hair as author branding?

So I’ve read marketing advice for authors that says that you should keep your photos and looks pretty consistent across your different social media platforms and over time. Umm. These are just the colors my hair has been since last August? Perhaps my brand will be inconsistent hair color. It worked for Dennis Rodman, right?

Anyway- what’s your favorite? I like them all but I think i loved the dark green most!

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Less time cooking = more time writing!

​So John and I have been using the Dinner Doctor cookbook for the last two weeks to actually plan out our grocery shopping for the whole week like grownups and it has been SO good! Both of us prefer homemade meals (and it’s way cheaper than take out obviously) but I REALLY don’t like cooking for an hour to make it happen (John is more willing than i am but then he usually tries to get me to be his sous chef which- no); this book is full of tricks to throw something delicious together in like, 10-15 minutes.

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I’ve failed at taking pictures of most of our meals, but we’ve made micro-steamed hoisin fish with veggies, tamale pie, pork fried rice, shrimp curry, ham and cheddar impossible pie, and salmon with coconut spinach, all super easily and quickly. And even if we don’t make these exact recipes again, it’s teaching us really nice shortcuts for making great food quickly. I think I may start giving this cookbook to friends as a wedding gift because it’s so useful! Hard recommend, especially if you’re in that life stage where you’re still figuring out how to feed yourself without eating ramen all the time.

​Also, I love the author Anne Byrn and got to meet her last December and fangirled SO hard. She also wrote the American Cookie and American Cake historical cookbooks I’ve been having so much fun baking through lately!

I'm Having a Bad Mental Health Day

The cats consider it their sworn duty to cheer me up when I’m down by sitting on me until I feel better.

The cats consider it their sworn duty to cheer me up when I’m down by sitting on me until I feel better.

I am having a rough mental health day

 I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve been taking my depression meds regularly, and I’ve been a little bit bad about using my Fisher Wallace stimulator, but I’ve been using it at least once a day most days. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I telework full time now and don’t have a car currently, so I can literally spend days without leaving my house. My allergies have been pretty bad lately, which has given me on and off insomnia lately and makes me generally just feel like crap. I haven’t been walking outside as much lately, although I did walk about a lot on Monday. But it’s hard to tell.

Sometimes having depression reminds me of an old detective novel. Every time my brain feels shadowed, I have to sit down, figure out what is causing the depression THIS time, and resolve the problem. So many things exacerbate my depression. Not seeing enough of my friends. Seeing too much of my friends and not having enough alone time. Not getting out of the house. Forgetting to exercise or take my meds or use my stimulator twice a day like I’m really supposed to.  Feeling sick. Feeling stressed. It can be any of these things or some combination or something i can’t remember right now. I had really hoped that adding the FW stimulator last year would prevent me having to do this ever again, but alas, no.

I should note though, that the brain stimulator has significantly improved my overall mental health state to the point that it has actually changed my life. Before I started using the stimulator, I was on two anti-depressants and still fighting bouts of depression and bad mental health every week. Last summer in particular, I had a really tough time and was experiencing bad mental health days almost every single day, which was what led me to order the stimulator. And I’m so glad I did, as these days, I maybe have one bad bout of depression every few months or so. I’m overall happier and better about focusing on things, I can talk about charged topics like money with my husband without snapping at him, and I have enough energy to really focus on my dreams and push toward them in a way that I really haven’t in years. If I hadn’t started using the stimulator, I really don’t think I would be calling myself an author at this point at all – I certainly wouldn’t have any lit mag publications or a self published ebook on Amazon.

But today, today is a bad mental health day. I’m not in any danger; really I’m not sure I’ve ever been any danger to myself. Bad mental health for me takes the form of a heavy burden on my brain, a shadow preventing me from thinking happy things or achieving all the things I want to achieve. It also used to take the form of rumination over mistakes from the past, constant self-recrimination, and fear of failure (so just covering the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, yeah?). And sure I still have those days sometimes, but they’re much more rare now and are rarely quite as bad as they used to be. I am able to get out of bed in the morning, I am able to work and be productive. I’m not quite able to write fiction when I’m having a bad health day, but I can pour out some blog posts, so that’s not the worst thing, right? At least that’s what I did.

As always, I’m happy to talk about my experience with depression, meds, or with the fisher wallace stimulator. Please reach out at rachael.dickzen@gmail.com if you have any questions!

Cat Character Inspiration

Just check out these cute faces! Many mannerisms of my cats Schrodinger and Ziggy Stardust and guest cat Martok have made their way into my stories so far! The cat in The Caterer ( who is unnamed but is often referred to as “My ladyship” or “the caterer”) definitely borrows a lot of mischief and cuddles from Martok in particular, as he loves to burrow into my hair just as she does to HER human in her story. 

Guest cat Martok! (He’s living with us until his owners live in a place where they can have cats)

Guest cat Martok! (He’s living with us until his owners live in a place where they can have cats)

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Schrodinger 

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Ziggy Stardust!  

My First Short Story eBook is up on Amazon!

Yesterday I published my first volume in Antiquicats: Felines of History on Amazon! I’m super excited about this. Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07T75WZ46

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It’s currently priced at $2.99 so I can keep it in the Kindle Unlimited program; I’ll be offering some free promotions for it soon, but am still figuring out all the details of it. I also need to figure out how to format it for print, in case anyone would like a physical copy to hold. There’s a lot to learn with self-publishing and promotion! I’ll definitely share it here as soon as I’ve figured it out.

Doesn’t that cover look amazing? Erica Noorderrmeer designed it after seeing my own feeble cover design attempts in a arts and crafts Facebook group; I love it way too much!

I’ve started work on my next AntiquiCats story and hope to have it up in July! It mayyyy be about an ancient battle between the Persians and Egyptians. More news soon!

Adulting with ADD: How I've Adapted

I was first diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (and associated depression) as a junior in high school when I basically collapsed under all the stress I was under and the pressure I was putting on myself. As a 31-year-old lawyer, I still struggle with my ADD on a regular basis, but over the years, I’ve developed numerous strategies to adapt for my monkey brain.

 All tasks and commitments have to be put on my to-do list or my calendar, or it WILL be forgotten.

I used to keep my to-do list scribbled on the back of my hand in college. In law school, I graduated to using a notebook in an attempt to look more adult, but I was so very good at forgetting those notebooks in various places, that I finally just kept my to-do list on my phone. I have a massive to-do list in the Notes app that also includes other information I struggle to remember, such as the details of when my student loan payments and mortgage payment come out of my bank account. 

I also put every meeting, appointment, and rehearsal in my phone calendar as soon as I learn about it. Otherwise, it’s just way too easy for me to forget it.

While on the subject of financial obligations…..

• I automate all the payments I can. Any non-automated obligations are literally put in front of my computer so I can’t forget them and are paid ASAP.

In this day and age, we thankfully can automate almost everything. Our utility bills all automatically come out of our bank accounts. Our mortgage check sends out from our account automatically every month. It makes life so much simpler.

As we speak, I have a medical bill that I need to pay placed right in front of my work computer so I keep looking at it and remembering to deal with it. Once I pay a bill, I actually literally write ON the bill “Paid online on [date]” so I don’t think I need to pay it again.

• I plan ahead as much as I can.

It took me a startlingly long time to actually build the habit of taking my medicine every single morning. What finally worked for me was getting one of those organizers that holds a week’s worth of pills. 

I also keep all the belongings I use regularly in one place so that I always know where they are. My purse, wallet, keys? They live next to the coat rack in my house. If they go somewhere else, I’m in trouble.

• I use SO much technology.

Oh my gosh, my life has gotten so much easier with the advent of various forms of technology! 

- ZocDoc has changed my life, as I can actually make an appointment at any time of day or night just on a website without having to call someone or track down a doctor who takes my insurance.

- I use a website blocker on Chrome on my work computer to help block out distractions. I also have one on my iPhone, but I haven’t used that one as much lately because it just hasn’t been an issue. I do also turn my airplane mode on if I really need to concentrate.

- I’ve been using the app Habit Bull to remind me of specific things that need to be done daily, like water the plants, give my cat his medicine, etc. It also helps to remind me of various tasks that I KNOW will help with my chronic pain issues, like performing my neck stretches or using my massage machine on my back.

- I get reminders for everything. Email reminders on when my library books are due. Text reminders to pick up my prescriptions. I also use alerts on my phone which subtly remind me of upcoming commitments an hour or two before the actual time.

- When I’m writing, I use a white noise app on my phone and a timer to keep me on track. Just working in 15 minutes increments helps me SO MUCH. This is an offshoot of the Pomodoro time management method, which has also really worked for me in the past (there are numerous Pomodoro apps and websites out there that work well).

• I take the medicine when I need it.

I stopped taking ADD meds sometime in college (I frankly don’t remember when) and did not actually get back on it until about 1.5 years ago. Yes, that means I went through my first 6 years post-college and all of law school without ADD meds. Having a generally flexible schedule helped a lot with that. But after 9 or so months in my current job, I had to admit that I needed the meds to focus. A lot of my work is pretty repetitive, and I just needed it to keep going. I take it on work days and on weekends when I have a lot of work that requires focus. It significantly reduces the amount of stress in my life, as it just calms down the "SQUIRREL" moments in my mind a lot.

Comic from the brilliant XKCD. Used under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License. https://xkcd.com/1106/

Comic from the brilliant XKCD. Used under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License. https://xkcd.com/1106/

I'm sure I'll write more about this soon, but that's what I've got for now!

If you have ADD, what do you use to manage your symptoms and accomplish your goals?

Throwback Thursday: Driving to Houston

Wrote this in the backseat of my dad’s car while driving with him to Houston. June 5, 2010.

Lying curled in the back of daddy’s car/melting sticky sweet in Texas sun

He’s talking bout the movie theaters closing/his voice rolls over me

A Simple Day/knowing that as long as it is sticky and my daddy’s voice covers

and protects me/i will never grow old/or too tired to relax.

Throwback Thursday: Pomegranate

Written January 12, 2011.

Juicy seeds to tempt a goddess to Hell-
A bitch to get out their fleshy shell.

You cut it open and
maroon blood runs over on your hands

And it pops and squirts and
stains like love.

Hard to get out of your dress, off your skin,
out of your heart.

But I’ll still eat it by the spoonfuls-
and chew every hard bit for the
juice within.

I know my hard bits have made me stronger
than Atlas
bring on what may-
I will not shake.

I am my own muse and
shield.